“Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises.” Psalm 98:4
I am not a good singer. At all. Leading up to my wedding I had jokingly told my groomsmen that I was going to serenade Tory during the reception. It was a gag, but they were not going to let such an opportunity pass by. Sometime after the speeches they cornered me, led me to the DJ table and thrust a microphone into my hands. There was so much eagerness in their expressions. They had heard the tone deaf, rhythmically deficient noise that I called singing previously, and could not wait for me to make a fool of myself. At my own wedding of all places. With tremendous courage, I took that mic and belted out what sounded in my head like a perfect rendition of “Truly” by Lionel Richie.
There was a significant amount of laughing. And crying. I like to think the crying was in response to the beauty of the moment, but I am too much of a realist for that. At some point uncontrollable laughing morphs into a deeper emotional response. One of the groomsmen described my performance as “the best (comedic) and worst (actual ability) thing he had ever heard.”
I know I am a poor singer. For years that really affected me in one important aspect of my life. Worship. I was so embarrassed that if I sang aloud during a worship service, the people around me would hear. Then they too would know my secret. Instead, I would mouth the words or sing under my breath. The worship service became something I attended but did not participate in. It was like attending a speech or a sporting event. After a while I did not bother to put down my water or tea, I was just waiting for the singing to end so I could hear the sermon.
When we moved to New Mexico, we started attending a church and let’s just say that the musical portion of the worship service was, lively. In a conversation one day with the Worship Pastor’s wife, she explained to me that singing was her favorite part of the service. She said she would envision Jesus in the auditorium, and she was singing words of prayer and praise to him. All of that sounded great but I could not move past the feeling that everyone was looking at me or at least listening to me when I sang. That self-consciousness continued to keep me quiet.
We made another move which meant a new church. It was in this church that I started to find my singing voice. I did not become a better singer. Honestly, I did not even become less embarrassed at first. The breakthrough started because the worship team was loud. Extremely loud. So loud that no one within 500 yards could hear me singing. So, I started to lift my voice. I pictured Jesus there, and I sang prayers and praises to him. After a while singing in church became something I looked forward to. The worship service started feeling more like an experience, and less like a spectator event. I showed up on Sunday morning expecting to encounter Jesus, and I was. I discovered that as I sang out these words of adoration or confession or need that my head and my heart were calmed. I found peace which prepared me for the remainder of the service.
However, as was typical for us, we made another move. This time we ended up in a new church plant. We met in a school and there were only about seventy of us. The music was not loud, and the people were pretty subdued. I was worried. The last thing I wanted was to stick out. However, singing had become an integral part of my worship experience. I did not want to distract people with my anti-melodious barking, but at the same time, I wanted to sing praises to Jesus.
One Sunday, a guy approached me after a service. He told me that he had been watching me over the last few weeks as I sang. I could feel the embarrassment rising within me. This was my worst-case scenario! It was true, people were staring at me in complete and total disgust! However, that is not what he said. He talked about how stagnant his faith had become. He said that he came to church out of obligation and while he believed in Jesus, he felt as though Jesus had always been distant. When the songs started, he felt no connection, he felt like a bystander. Then he started noticing me, simply singing. He commented on how it looked like I believed the words I was singing aloud and that I was completely engrossed in worshipping the Lord. He wanted to know Jesus that same way.
In the New Testament, there are two Greek words (adō, psallō) translated as sing or singing. They are used in eight verses (Rom. 15:9, 1 Cor 14:15, Eph. 5:19, Col. 3:16, Jas. 5:13, Rev. 5:9; 14:3; 15:3), all of them are about singing praises to God. The last three in Revelation are singing praises before his throne. That is what I think about now as I sing without embarrassment. We are the God’s temple, both individually (1 Cor. 6:19), and as the church (1 Cor. 3:16). We are singing praises to him as his temple, his dwelling place. I still don’t want people to be distracted by my vocal (dis)abilities, yet I do want to meet with him and to tell him how much I love him. And I am believing that what I consider to be hard on the ears, he is accepting as a joyful noise (Psalm 98:4)!