As I write, we are just past the half-way point of our churchwide 40 Days of Prayer and Fasting. I so hope these first three weeks have been a sweet time of connection with God. In addition, I have prayed that God, during these 40 days, would reveal to each of us exactly what we need. It may be encouragement, conviction, more hunger for Him, direction of some kind, etc. The options are nearly limitless. But here is what I know! When we laser in on Christ, God reveals us…to us. I love how an old puritan Pastor put it (even if I can’t remember his name):
When we focus on self, we see nothing.
When we focus on others, we see the specks in their eyes.
When we focus on Christ, we see the logs in our own eyes.
I need that and I assume you would say the same thing!
Personally, I have always DREADED anytime I was to participate in a fast, whether it was when I was on staff with CRU for 18 years or the 20 years I’ve been at Fellowship. I feel a bit of shame even as I write those words. The words of the great Dr. R.C. Sproul echoes in my mind when I think of my perspective on fasting: “What is wrong with you peoples?” lol. The reality is…I am telling the truth about me and that certainly makes all the difference when it comes to change of any kind. The reason I dreaded it is because I am about as close to the line to being a food addict as any human who has ever walked the planet. I love food, I love food, I love food. Do you get the picture that “I love food”.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with food itself, but to me, like all good gifts from God, we have a way of twisting it and getting something from those good gifts that only comes from God Himself. Food for me was one of the ways that I gained emotional comfort, it assuaged my anxiety, it took up time in my schedule that was distracting me from what is most important. Also, eating too much during the day made me tired and unproductive. Bluntly, it did what any idol does…it made me focus on me and not the Lord. The great news is over the past 3 plus years, I have sensed the Lord pushing me to re-direct my “love of food” in a more disciplined way. First, to just feel better physically - to have more energy for the Lord’s work and people in general, and second, as Paul wrote to Timothy, to “discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.”
Did you catch that? “Discipline yourself for the PURPOSE OF GODLINESS”! The spiritual disciplines that God gives us in his word (Bible intake, prayer, journaling, solitude, worship, etc.) have purpose – they help us to be conformed into the image of Christ. The spiritual disciplines are God’s way of us aligning with Him more and more. Here’s how one of my professors from seminary put it in my favorite book on ‘The Spiritual Disciplines’: “And in my own pastoral and personal Christian experience, I can say that I’ve never known a man or woman who came to spiritual maturity except through discipline. Godliness comes through discipline.”
― Donald S. Whitney, Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life
Since January 1st (I got an early start), I have had no sugar or bread, plus I am only eating one meal a day at dinner. I’m shocked even as I type that sentence. Remember, I LOVE food! So God has been kind to give me the encouragement and strength to get some self-control around food. Certainly, an added benefit is that I sure nuff fo sho FEEL BETTER. So with the food issue taken care of and with the benefit of feeling better, it’s time to dig into another very weak area of mine historically, PRAYER!
Ya'll are getting a full plate of straight up confession. How in the world can a pastor be a pastor when he is so undisciplined and weak in prayer? It’s a great question, but I hope my keeping it real and sharing one answer to that question encourages you!
In a word, it’s about CONTROL!!! For years, I lived as if I was in control of my life and if the truth be known, thought I could control the lives of others. Now don’t get it wrong. I knew the right biblical answer if you asked me, ‘Who is in control?’, but that is not what my internal and external world looked like. I thought when a situation came up that I could solve the problem (my wisdom). I could explain it with my verbal skills to help someone understand and when they didn’t, I could ramp up my logic and ‘make’ them get it (my skills and playing the Holy Spirit). I lived as if I had the power to change people and circumstances. That might be one of the saddest sentences I have ever uttered. But again, it’s true.
The Lord began to show me that control is a delusion. That I can’t even control myself (note: food addiction) let alone someone else. What I need to see is that there is ONLY ONE who has control over people, places, things and ultimately, this world. With that, my prayer life began to change.
Coming to grips with the reality that I have no real control, has propelled me toward the one who does. When I KNOW 100% that I have no control, that exposes how needy I am. When I know how needy I am, I pray more to the one who has NO NEED. When I know I have no control and that this exposes my need, it’s for sure a scary reality…so it points me to the one who says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Yes, I get to come to the throne of God, to the one who has complete control over every molecule and only then do I experience His peace amid all that life brings. Will you join me in the journey of letting go of the delusion of ‘control’? Will you join me in running to the one who controls all!