As I write this, it is day fifteen of our forty day fast. So far, I have really enjoyed it. There has been some difficulties, for instance the three days Tory travelled out of town I may have struggled with my “no added sugar” pledge. Actually fasting in general has been harder than I thought. Usually I can control my eating when I am focused, but not this time. I guess my flesh (see sin nature) is more accepting of missing meals for vanity’s sake as opposed to a commitment to spend more time with Jesus. However, I have kept recommitting to the fast and that is okay.
On the other hand, my prayer time has been refreshing and enlightening. Spending four days in one passage has helped me dissect it more than I might normally. I am not typically a journaler, but have taken to it this time as I answer each reflection question. It is my hope that journaling will be a new discipline I will keep even after the forty days is over.
One reflection question that has caused me to ruminate on for quite a while now was from day fourteen, March 3. The question is this, “do you invite others to pray for you, or even better, with you?” My answer is not what I have been coming back to repeatedly. That was the easy part. It is “only when I am asked, I rarely initiate my own prayer requests”. What I am wrestling with is, “why” don’t I regularly ask people to pray for me?
I think I have it boiled down to two reasons, and neither of them is great.
- I do not want to burden others with my issues.
- I can handle this.
My first excuse is just selfishness wrapped up in false humility and the appearance of care for others. The truth is I do not want to be vulnerable. That may come from trust issues based on previous wounds or a desire to present myself as someone who has it altogether. Either way I am trying to protect myself or my image. What is interesting is that the Bible tells us that whatever is troubling us, whether it be sin, wounds, or difficult seasons, our healing is found in relationship with others. James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” In my desire for healing I end of looking inward instead of outward towards this beautiful gift the Lord has blessed me with, the community of faith.
Truthfully, many people feel honored to be invited into someone’s life through prayer. Even if the person being invited to pray, does not know how to solve my issue or even know how to respond, they can support me and show that they care by bringing my request before the Lord. By hiding my prayer requests, I am robbing myself of further developing a deeper connection with other believers and depriving them of the blessing that comes with ministering to others.
Additionally I have a misguided view of prayer. Asking someone to pray for or with me is not me dumping my issues on him or her with an expectation that the person will bear the weight of it. By praying together we are agreeing to bring whatever my burden is to the One who can bear the weight and provide the peace that I need (Phil. 4:6-7).
While my first excuse is motivated by self-protection and self-preservation, my second excuse is good old-fashioned pride at its finest. I can pretend it is not pride by saying “it’s just me and Jesus; as long as I have him I can handle anything.” Yet, while it is true that there is no limitations on what Jesus can do, that is not true of me. My faith in Jesus and his promises are foundational to how I live my life, but Jesus did not intend for me to live it only with him in isolation from other human beings. Most of God’s provision in my life has happened by his hand through one of his servants. I need people because I have been designed for community. It is one of the ways that I image God.
I need people to come alongside of me and the most profound way they can do that is in prayer. Going back to James 5:16, “the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” “Powerful and effective”, who does not want that kind of prayer support. I have no doubt that God hears my prayers made in solitude and responds according to his will. He also desires for me to engage authentically in Biblical community. Praying for one another is a path he uses to bring us together.
This is the beauty of prayer and fasting. By spending time and energy with Jesus that normally goes to something else in my life, I have been able to consider biblical truth and its application, which has allowed God to reveal my own heart and motivations. Just this one question will I hope lead to a change in my attitude and actions towards an important aspect of my walk with Jesus and his body. Will you please pray for me about this?